Pretty Handsome, a pilot episode made for FX, was very brave. It was brave as a show, but ultimately a bit too much for, well, any of the networks, as not only did FX fail to pick it up, apparently it was shopped around and no-one would touch it with yours.

Written by Ryan Murphy of Nip/Tuck fame, Pretty handsome has an amazing cast; Joseph Fiennes (is it just me or does he somehow resemble a labrador?), Carrie Ann Moss, Robert Wagner, and they are all fantastic.

Pretty Handsome describes the life of a wealthy pseudo aristo Republican age doctor who has always wanted to dress up as a woman. Whether he is a woman in a man’s body, or just a cross dresser is ambiguously presented. He has two kids with Carrie Ann Fisher, one is ten with an IQ of 190, and in the same year as the other son; a good kid who is about to have an illegitimate child with his 17 year old girlfriend. Robert Wagner is the morally ambiguous secretary shagging Dad of Fiennes. How could a show with a cast like this not be picked up!?

As a couple They haven’t had penetrative sex for a long time. They do ’sex stuff’ though, and she always comes, He makes sure his wife is satisfied, no matter what, hinting at the idea that Fiennes is basically a great guy you know?

This show is very high brow. It’s not a comedy either, although it kinda seems as though it should be. Well, let me re-phrase that; it’s damn funny in places, but it’s presented very much as a drama.

There are some fantastic one liners in here, after a bit of a bashing over the older son not yet having finished work for his Yale entrance exam, Fiennes says:

“Why is it that you can do no wrong but Im always the bad guy?”

With Fisher responding

“Because they have to kill you to become men!”

Maybe the american public just cant stomach any more shows about the obscenely wealthy? Nah, that can’t be it. There’s something in this show that makes me think of a sort of intellectual Dynasty. Man, just describing it like that makes me want to watch Dynasty RIGHT NOW.

Gossip girl is doing well, and that’s all about rich people, but that’s because the teen deomgraphic hasn’t suffered the vagaries of being poor as much yet. More likely though, this show wasn’t picked up because it stuffs illegitimate pregnancy, the resusciation of a dead baby, paedophilia, cross dressing, transexualism, internet grooming and the crassness of great wealth in too tightly to be anything other than confused and shocking. I loved it by the way.

Another great quote, from a transsexual Fiennes is compelled to treat:

“The way I see it theres enough dicks in this world, I don’t need one to be a man.”

I won’t *entirely* ruin the show for you, even though it’s already dead in the water it’s an interesting watch and it’s bashing around on torrent sites and I recommend a watch as it’s a brave, well acted and compelling show, despite it’s failings.

One line reflections:

Cheeky wee scamp Jonny Lee miller

Another brit actor doing a horrendous american accent on US-TV

George Michael - Why!?

Insipid

Stereotypical warm hearted secretary who *wants* to believe Eli is a good man

Twattish formulaic dramcom

Comes with a fucking post roll warning!

“The preceding story was fictional and did not portray any actual person, companies, products or events.”

Its in episode 2 that we realise each episode it’s a new pro bono case that Eli takes on, with a background of angelic choral voices and 2 visits to his faux spiritual acupuncturist. And dancing. Dancing in every episode. Spent far too long on this already.

Series length prediction: at least 2 seasons, which is fine, as long as I don’t have to watch it.

Just judging by it’s title and premise(A 35-year old guy who got married right out of college finds himself newly divorced and ill-prepared to re-enter the dating scene), I was not particularly motivated to spend 21 of my good minutes watching the pilot episode of this show.

The world has shod itself of ‘Friends’ (aside of course from the never-ending re-runs), and for good reason: we are over that format!

Unhitched has something in common with that format; a bunch of divorcee friends in their mid to late thirties are all according to their characters working out how to exist as singles again, and hang out and talk and have coffee and yada yada.

Unhitched appears to be different, somewhat funny, even..maybe. The episode begins with ‘Gator’ our lead protagonist heading into the apartment of a date, to be greeted by a room cluttered with tropical plants, steam machines, and yes; a monkey. His date is a monkey specialist of some kind. So far so ‘Friends’. See the clip below and you decide whether this opening gambit is enough to make you want just a little bit more. I have a rule of thumb for a new show: If I don’t immediately hate most or all of the characters, I’ll give episode 2 a go.

The show is quite simply, misogynistic as hell, and a bit racist. Whether it will be funny enough to overlook that certainly remains to be seen, but I’ll watch another episode; which is rare for me, this kind of show just… isn’t my kind of show. So. There you have it.

So someone in America thought the world needed yet another version of Knight Rider. Having seen the pilot episode I’m fairly sure that we don’t. In fact the only review this show really deserves is “shite rider more like”, such is the parade of lazy cliches wheeled out to pad out everything that’s not talking car. Basically: You’ve got some hot college professor totty who’s BLAH BLAH BLAH nanomachines BLAH BLAH estranged from father BLAH BLAH then there’s free-spirited race driver Michael BLAH BLAH plays by his own rules BLAH rescue BLAH come to trust each other BLAH learn to work together despite their different zzzzzzzzz Wake up! There’s sped-up footage of a car driving through California. Cue anthemic rock on the soundtrack.

David Hasselhoff turns up in the last 5 minutes and constantly clutches his hands to stop the alco-shakes from being too apparent. He’s New Michael’s dad, with crushing inevitability. This is good, because it basically retcons the original series as the adventures of Deadbeat Dad, living in his car and ignorin’ his family.

That said, if you like talking cars and are easily pleased, you might like Knight Rider. Though you should probably be chemically castrated.

Just as an afterthought to Alfie’s excellent review of Ashes to Ashes, three episodes in and i’m conflicted. While it’s a pleasure to see DCI Hunt again, Keeley Hawes’ character is rrrrreally fucking annoying and is making it difficult to truly enjoy because of the constant non-stop whinging she does. Also, the application of the 80s nostalgia is heavy-handed and badly deployed, though fans of silly old farts who should know better will get a kick out of the scene in the second episode where they rounded up as many of the original New Romantics not currently selling handjobs for crack and tried to recreate the Blitz Club. Watching Marilyn’s craggy middle-aged face leer out of the TV screen pretty much destroys any illusion they’ve managed to create thus far.

What’s even more stupid is the idea that Gene and the boys would’ve stopped drinking pints and now only touch wine. Now that’s what I call unrealistic.

This show will not have the impact on viewers who missed out on the excellent Life on Mars, nor to our American and other readers that it rightly should. The lesson? Go - download from your favourite torrent site, the episodes are all there and worth a weekend in the dark feasting on the best of British Television and your snack food of choice. You should booze while you watch it too, just to keep in the spirit.

Ashes to Ashes begins with us in a car with Keeley Hawes, of the excellent Spooks driving her adolescent girl child somewhere on her way to what is clearly her job in 2007 law enforcement somewhere in the UK Capital, London. I only stress this as the shows opening credits do, with a really odd backwards and from beneath lingering shot on the cock like Gherkin. It’s actually a little embarrassing the way the show makes unapologetic use of our capitals few internationally recognisable landmarks actually, as if they struck a deal with the department of tourism to promote London landmarks for squids in. Sorry, off topic. Anyway, it’s at this point you start to think about the way that Life on Mars began.

Well, it started in a car, like Ashes to Ashes - clearly an ‘ey ey, what now dear viewer?’ nod, and I have to admit to being quite excited already. Why? Well, Life on Mars was a fucking genius show, for so many reasons, and Ashes to Ashes offers a glimpse back into a universe which at the time I thought was gone for good: one shot one season show. I’m just flabbergasted at either the foresightedness of the producers and writers in structuring a second season (ostensibly) of Life on Mars in this way (seminal), or their sheer genius in figuring out what to do next with the unexpected runaway popular success of Life on Mars (gutsty as fuck).

Again with the gutsy as fuck, Keely Hawes is swiftly shot right in the head by her captor (Yes there is a captor from the outset, but I’m not going to actually tell you anything about the show dear reader, just riff on it yeah?). Right in the head. An emotionless shot of her head going back and to the left sans soundtrack reminds you that yes, this is a BRITISH show you are watching

Cue crazy family super 8 movie flashback moments and Hawes suddenly wakes (corrr) draped in diamond earrings and furs on a bed on a boat called, ‘The Lady Di’…. Errr. It is at this point that I realise Hawes is in…. THE FUCKING 80′S!!!!!!!! OMG. Even more genius (bear with me, this review is occurring as I watch the show) ….. Images of tight trousers and pink chiffon blouses flit behind my eyes as I wait for the action to kick off.
DCI HUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (trust me on this multiple exclamation, and for those that somehow missed Life on Mars, again, go download.)

Hawes negotiates her way off the boat thronging with 80’s partiers, and police running up the gangway off to raid it. She is suddenly held hostage by her crazed (pimp? It’s implied she is a prostitute of some kind) As DCI Hunt and crew rock up in perfect crocodile boots, permed hair excellentness and pure Life on Mars ‘fuck the bad guys, we’re the coppers’ attitude on show. Oh man, if you don’t love this show you’re a complete tool. Sorry, but it’s true.

So I start to wonder whether the carefully constructed reality of Life on Mars is going to be maintained in Ashes to Ashes, with Hawes basically replacing Sam from Life On Mars as the new cop from the future (I forgot to mention but in the first scene Hawes tosses some papers into the back seat and chats to her daughter about the crazy story of Sam Tyler whom we assume she is investigating). Ambitious guys, really.

Small note - cinematographic 80’s touches? Awesome work. So, so as not to bore you, god knows I’m likely rambling by this point. Hawes is introduced to us as DI Drake, just after she says “I know how this works, the brain fashions conduits to the real world” and reaches for a ringing telephone on an unoccupied desk. DCI Hunt wrests it away from the crazed prossie, at which point a small wallet drops from her pocket (whilst affording the pure Life on Mars shot implying fellatio on DCI Hunt to the rest of the assembled office). Yup, DCI Hunt says”Welcome on board inspector”.

We’re zoomed in at MPEG1 quality on a shot of Zippy (from the British TV show Rainbow on a TV screen, DI Drake saying ‘C’mon Zippy, talk to me’. Again, this is TV quite simply, at it’s best; self referential in a completely un-assuming way, funny, and most importantly - transporting; it’s succeeded in taking me back into the Life on Mars universe immediately.

DI Drake posits to colleagues using a blackboard why she’s now back in time. The first letters of the 4 reasons spell out dead (It was given to us that PCI Sam Tyler was dead in the future in the opening scene too). Of course, fainting ensues - well acted and quite harrowing when you put yourself into the scene really. Cut to - Zippy and Bungle talking to her daughter from the future in the cop shop!!!!!! Again, wow, only the British make TV like this. Interspersed with the action and in the humour there is a dark vein that will occasionally shock you. We are expertly pulled in not only to DI Drake’s plight, but into the universe she finds herself inhabiting, and we want more.

At that, as Im 30 minutes into this wonderful hour, I’ll leave off here. If you don’t want to watch this show now, well, you’re either a twat or I’m too drunk to write intelligibly. At any rate, go, watch.

We’re 4 episodes in to the excellent AMC show titled ‘Breaking Bad’ right now, and I’m itching for the next installment. This is a show that works on many levels, and will be at turns hilarious (for all the wrong reasons) and heart wrenching for almost any viewer.

Walter White is a once genius (Nobel Prize winning) chemist, now working not only in a crappy high school, but also washing cars to make extra money. His life and that of his family is a picture of moldering suburban entropy; everything sort of ticks along, with all the frustrations now buried so deep it’s unclear why you’re perpetually angry. The pilot brings you right into the spirit of the show from the outset. A man wearing only underpants and a gas mask drives a careening Winnebago down a dusty desert road, an unconscious passenger also wearing a gas mask and what one assumes are two corpses in the back of the vehicle, slide up and down as the Winnebago eventually lands in a crash stop. Sound like your kind of show? Good good.

Walter finds out that he has lung cancer, and through a chance comment from his brother in law (a DEA officer) concerning $700k seized at a crystal meth bust earlier that week, has the idea that ‘hey, since my insurance is so crappy, maybe there is a way I can leave a nest egg for my family after I’ve keeled over.’

Walter comes across as both completely moral, and a thorough pragmatist. It’s funny how when faced with extreme situations morality can quite easily be sidestepped by a pragmatic mind, as we discover in brilliantly delivered scenes and quite crushing situations couched in the morbid certainty of Walters imminent death.

As you might imagine, once Walter gets the idea of making Meth, the storyline slots into place. He asks to be taken along on a drug bust with his brother in law and spies a once student escaping out of a window. He keeps schtum and of course approaches his ex student to perhaps pick up where he has been left off: ‘you no longer have a chemist, how about we work together?’

Like all of the best TV shows, it’s by no means the pithy dialogue and hilarious situational comedy alone that make it; it’s the way you are surrounded by the cinematography and excellent use of sound that makes the experience complete, and this is a show that nails it on every front. The only real question remaining is whether it will make it through the first season. Something tells me it will, with Dexter fans not having Season 3 for a while, this show has enough of the moral knife-edge and sheer gutsy horror show stuff (seriously, he kills them with science!) to keep them happy, and any other lucky others with access to the internet or the AMC cable service.

Yes folks, the strike that sent millions of viewers to you-tube has ended, but it’s not all good news, no; tonight I watched the season premiere of the new ‘Knight Rider’ show. Well, some of it anyway. Saying it was a cheesefest would be too nice by a mile. Saying it was a blistering bum pustule of acrid month old grandad semen would be closer to the mark.
Is there much more to say after that? I hope not, but still, I should at least say something, if only as en epitaph to what could have been great but is, well… see above.

The episode was a write off from the very first scene, I mean, how seriously can you take a bad guy who plucks his eyebrows, even if he is only around for one episode? In the vein of taking characters seriously - yes, you can see where I’m going with this one!! They’re all tools!! There was not one redeeming scene, tone, shot or witty one liner in the 20 minutes I could bring myself to watch.

What I don’t get is how the producers could have gotten their target audience so woefully wrong. I mean, I was totally up for watching this! If they’d taken the cheese angle and played it up like crazy, cool, at least they’d have found a premise and stuck to it. If they’d decided to make it a gritty show with Knights’ son seeking revenge, tooled to the nines with the ultimate killing machine, even better! But no, this was a tepid and patronising attempt guaranteeing only two things: old school fans (even those who just enjoyed it) will despise it and it won’t be able to compete with the marginally less patronising vacuous shows out there, and so will sink without a trace at about episode 9 (I predict, and I hope to God I’m right).

So, without wasting any more time on this contrived patronising utter waste of money and time, adieu dear readers, I shall return with other, better, tastier TV bounty.

Rumours are reaching me from my deep-cover intornett spiez that the writers strike may soon be resolved. People working on various shows are now expecting to return to work soon. While the WGA are maintaining outwardly that negotiations are still ongoing it is looking likely that there’ll be an announcement of some kind relatively soon.

This doesn’t mean we’ll be back to business as usual immediately this happens, and it may be a few months before we get the chance to savour televisual treats both old and new, but at least it’s looking like there’s some kind of progress.

There have been a few premieres recently, but they’ve all been utter shite. Hello Sarah Connor Chronicles, you are woeful.

Talking of woeful, albeit slightly out of our remit as it’s a British show but fucking whatever, Torchwood. Being a massive Doctor Who fan I feel honour bound to watch every episode of this annoying show. To be fair, series two has been marginally better, funnier, less desperate to show it’s adult nature by throwing around the spurious sex-scenes and mild swearing. It’s still not quite as good as it thinks it is, though.  And it’s not as good as the Sarah Jane Adventures.

Join us soon for some poorly constructed words to do with the first episode of season 4 of Lost. Yes, not a pilot. No, I don’t care. 

I did actually laugh out loud when I discovered that Fox was calling it’s strike-induced season of repeats they’re putting together where new episodes of House should be “Encore broadcasts”. Now that’s what I call making the best of a bad thing.

 I can see that getting pretty old pretty fast, though. Give the damn writers what they want already. 
 

So, the strike of the Writer’s Guild of America enters its third week and the effects are starting to be seen beyond the high-turnover world of the late-night talkshows. To put it bluntly, they’re running out of shows. The last episode of the Office was shown last Wednesday and many of your favourite imaginary friends could be taking unexpected holidays soon.

This rather timely entry on Wikipedia should keep you up to date with what’s happening. Or rather, what’s not.